


Complacency Endeth Here

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Bloodplay, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-29
Updated: 2005-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-12 08:58:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7095319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wesley is spiralling down to self-destruction. He gets more than a helping hand from Angel. Up to a point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Complacency Endeth Here

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

MATINAL

“Still no luck? I thought you’d gone by his apartment yesterday?”

“Cordy, it’s not that simple, Fred tried her best to…”

“No, Gunn. That’s not actually true. I could have… The right words just didn’t seem to come. He was being too hard on himself and I just stood there – not knowing how to react.”

“He’s just feeling guilty. Don’t you think so, Cordy?”

“Well he shouldn’t. Along comes a demon who makes guys act like axe-murderers towards women. So? Is it me or should the blame be firmly placed at said demon’s now dead and gone for good feet?”

Angel chose that moment to make his melodramatic downstairs and into the lobby thing. But he had heard most of the exchange.

“Wes still at home?”

“Yes. Maybe you could try to persuade him to come back to work.” Cordy brightened up “You know, grovel a little, remind him of how he is the boss of us all and we can’t go on without him? That kind of thing.” She beamed at Angel. 

He knew how futile it would be to argue or even to make any sarcastic remark.

“Fine. I’ll stop by him. I’ll take the sewers. Obviously.”

“Obviously.” Cordy mock-agreed. Perfect smile still innocently making sure that Angel was taking care of this right now.

VESPERTINO

Angel kept knocking. After an eternity of silent minutes locks unlocked and a very pale and unshaven, dishevelled Wesley opened the door.

“What do you want?”

Too straight an intro. Too trembling the voice carrying the words. Had Wesley been drinking? No way! He wouldn’t. But Angel could smell it. Cheap whiskey – and loads of it. This wasn’t Wesley’s way of coping with… Realisation dawned. Wesley never had to cope with anything like this. Well, maybe an abusive father was worse. But this? Now that he seemed to have figured out his place in the world, in life, in Angel Investigations… It was so fucking unfair!

“Just wanted to see how you were doing. You didn’t show up at the hotel…”

“I see. Sent you to check up on me, did they?”

“I was worried about you Wes. So I came.”

“Drop the act Angel. You couldn’t care less about me. Never did. Who was it sent you? Fred? Cordy?”

“We’re all worried about you. You’ve got to get over this. Nothing that happened was your fault.”

“And you know that for a fact, do you?”

“Yes! You must know it, too. Think! Use your brains. Don’t just stay here drowning yourself in self-pity and booze. It doesn’t suit you, it’s not who you are! God, Wesley it really pisses me off the way you just gave in to…”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You don’t know the first thing about me or why I do the things I do! How the hell do you think I can live with myself after what I’ve done to Fred? I… I could have killed her! Almost did. For no reason at all. No reason other than I am an evil person. No! Make that an evil Male…”

“You can’t believe that! Billy affected all men, not just you Wesley. It wasn’t something intrinsically wrong with you. It was a manifestation of Billy’s power over you!”

“So Fred kept telling me…”

“Then why not believe her?”

“Because I still believe – irrationally – that you tend to hurt the one you love. Like the stupid song. And I didn’t. So maybe I wasn’t under Billy’s influence or spell or power or whatever. Maybe it was misogyny of my own creation. To what purpose? None I can see. That’s what’s driving me mad…”

Angel took a few moments to process this.

“So you’re thinking Billy’s power was not misogyny? It was more refined than that? Aimed at loved ones?”

“No. I would have tried to stake you then, wouldn’t I?”

As Wesley collapsed into alcoholic stupor on the couch Angel tried to digest his last words. 

NOCTURNO

Angel had tried to make Wesley as comfortable as possible. Blankets should have come first but changing into a pair of clean pyjamas took priority, as the whiskey stink was just too much for his vampire senses to withstand and wouldn’t be much help to Wesley’s massive hangover either.

It was the first time Angel had been this intimate with a male human he did not intend to feed upon. Strike that. For Angel as opposed to Angelus this was a first.   
The former Watcher’s body was covered with self-inflicted wounds. At his wrists, arms, feet, neck. Wesley had been trying to hurt himself badly. And Angel could tell he had almost succeeded. Many of the wounds were deep and still bleeding. They would take a long time to heal.

Wesley’s troubled night produced many a nightmare harking back to his childhood. But also lucid moments – and in those lucid moments he had mostly begged. Begged Angel not to tell anyone what Wesley was going through. Begged him not to be mad at him. Not to desert him.

“I’m so sorry…” he kept repeating, “I didn’t mean to offend you…”

“How do you think you have offended me?”

“By telling you I love you?”

He seemed to be genuinely afraid of Angel’s reaction.

“It’s not an offence Wesley, it’s an honour.”

“Kind of you to say so… But I can see it disgusts you. I disgust you.”

“No. Never! I… I love you Wes. Maybe not as much as you love me, maybe not in the same way… but I do…”

“Just like a champion. The right word for every occasion. But I don’t want your pity. Not that I have any pride left in me. It’s just that pity will drive me over the edge much quicker…”

“Look at me.”

And for the first time Wesley did. Properly. 

“It’s not pity, Wes. I do love you. I’ve just never fallen for anyone like you before…”

“Pathetic? Male?”

“Like you. Give me time. Give me a chance. Let me… Let’s try.”

“I’m for that… What if I fall again? What if I give in to my weaknesses?”

“One for each other and both of us for the two?”

A grin spread over their faces and they leaned in for a first tentative kiss. A kiss that became passionate tongues probing unchartered territories. Teeth sinking into soft flesh. Fangs drawing droplets of blood. Ecstasy prolonging night’s realm.

ALLEGRO

“What are you doing?”

“Using up that prayer I had saved for the morning after.”

“Sorry?”

Wesley rolled over a positioning himself so his warm tongue could find its way deep into Angel’s gelid mouth. He delighted in exploring it. He hummed. He delighted in having Angel’s whole body writhe beneath him while he did it. He came up for air after an eternity…

“Bad trip to the 1980s. While you were still feeding on rodents, right? Best forgotten I think.”

“Again…”

“Again what?”

"Inside me… Please?”

“Wanker.”

“I might be. Do you want me to?”

“Pervert.”

“Absolutely. Yes. Hum, please? 

“It’s late. We should probably get up. Get going.”

“I’m up.”

“So I gather. I actually meant all of you. All of us. In the sense of actually moving out of here. Dropping by the office perhaps? I think you persuaded me to go back and face my demons.”

“We can do that, sure.” 

Angel sounded more than a little disappointed. He was also more than a little exposed when he threw the sheets back and gazed imploringly at Wesley.

“Later? …”

“You’re behaving atrociously, do you know that?”

“So punish me…”

“Later. Go have a cold shower. Then get dressed. And don’t whine.”

Angel did as he was told but he took his sweet time about it. That was fine by Wesley. For all his supposed eagerness to get out of the house he didn’t really want to leave. Ever.

 

SUSPENSO / SOSTENUTO

 

Moodswings. Mood swings. He was having them. Wesley couldn’t afford to hear the water running. Or even begin to think of Angel. That would mean confession – but he needed to. Otherwise he’d go insane.  
He could be insane already, of course. That would explain it. Accepting Angel’s polite non-refusal as a passionate ‘Yes’. Casual sex as Love Made. All things given as all things exchanged. OK. No shadow of a doubt then. He had gone mad over this. Over loving Angel beyond all reason. But surely reason had no place where love was concerned? But where reason had no place Wesley felt lost. Didn’t he?   
Once upon a time…

The water was still running. Caressing Angel’s nakedness. Paying tribute to physical perfection. It was for him Wesley to see further than that and pay tribute to the soul hidden amidst that superficial beauty. For it was pure and shone with a light that was not merely refracted but of its own. Coming from within the many struggles that had been won – the many obstacles surpassed.   
Now Wesley was just one more thing for Angel to overcome. For his love was true but not unstained. Not… chivalrous. Not the Love Angel’s soul deserved even if the body’s thirst could be momentarily quenched.

And then there was Fred. Not what he had done to her under Billy’s influence, even though that weighed heavily in his mind. Before. The way he had used her to serve his own unjustifiable end. Not consciously, at first. There was that small consolation. But that didn’t mean he could forgive himself. She certainly mustn’t. Nor Angel if he ever found out – if Wesley ever had the courage, nerve, guts to… confess.

He wanted to…

Water stopped running.

So much. So badly.

REQUIEM IN ADVANZO

“All yours.” Angel announced gleefully. 

“Pardon?”

“Bathroom. Done with it. Spotless. Me, that is – possibly not the bathroom.” 

Long pause.

“Wes, is there something wrong?”

“You were gone for too long. I just got thinking. It’s never a good thing, well… You know. Sometimes it’s not good to dwell on… things.”

“I guess. By the way – your vocabulary? Seems you’re a little off your game right now? It’s kind of scary. Kind of refreshing also…” 

Angel was still smiling. But it was a concerned smile. Wesley couldn’t see beyond this concern. This smile. This dripping wet perfect body wrapped up in a towel. Like Christ in those Renaissance paintings. Only not. Not. Cloth and pale skin and a pure soul and – could Angel take it in his stride, betrayal, pettiness, selfishness? All that in a lover, could he… 

A lover.

“Angel I… We must talk. I have to tell you something. About myself. Something that I don’t know if you’re prepared to listen to. That frightens me. Because I… It feels like we’ve just found each other and these words that are going to come out of me will probably lead to reproach. Anger. Worse, even – and I won’t be able to take that from you. But I owe it to myself and to Fred.”

“Fred? I don’t understand… I thought we’d gone over this.”

Wesley seemed barely to hear him.

“I owe it to you most of all.”

Angel dreaded the look on Wesley’s face. Again he sensed his friend – now his lover – could easily go over the edge. Fall into an abyss where not even Angel could follow or rescue him from.   
He tried to stay calm. Look understanding. Let all his love for Wesley break through any barriers or silences.

“Let’s hear it then.”

“I was never in love with Fred. Not truly. I don’t want you to think I ever meant to hurt her or mislead her. That was not the case. In the beginning I even felt great affection for her. But later? She was just there so we could be a proto-couple. Something to throw at other people… At you, in fact. She was my way of saying “Look here, you bastard! You may never care if I’m willing to give my life for you – but I’ll force you to see that at least one of us can achieve Perfect Happiness and stay Un-Evil!”

“Un-Evil?”

“I never had enough self-esteem to know that I was a Good guy. Just as well…”

“Does Fred know?”

“She may have guessed most of it. She’s not dumb, just…”

“A little odd? Wes I can’t believe you put her through that!”

“I know… I don’t deserve anyone’s love. Much less yours. I’ll try to apologize to her, if she’ll even listen to me… I’ll…”

“You bet she’ll listen, you fool! Can’t you see she’s in love with Gunn?”

“I… She is?”

“You meant to hurt me? It mattered that much to you? God, Wes… How much do you hate me?”

“ I don’t. It’s more than obvious I only hate myself. I’m so sorry I hurt you in the way. Or maybe I didn’t… I wanted you to feel bad. Even jealous of me, of what I could have. I guess it didn’t even register on your radar…”

“No. And I’m not sure I’m sorry about that.”

Angel got dressed in a hurry. Left in a hurry. If he had glanced back he would have seen Wesley crawling towards the door. If he had bothered to come back he would have been the one to drive Wesley to the hospital. 

Too much pills and liquor. And just Gunn breaking and entering at 2 AM

INTERMEZZO

"Angel?"

Wesley's head was still heavy. And light. The kind of spinning `round light.

"Try again, English."

"Oh God. Charles… It is you, right?"

"Right! And I am the Fred Avenger and will…" Gunn just broke down into laughter. Very inappropriate, Wes thought. But he was helping   
him up from his awkward position. And cleaning his mouth from the unseemly remains of vomit lurking there since Angel and his Universe   
had gone away.

"To the hospital with you! And you'd better not even try to fight me on this one."

Wesley was in no condition to fight. But curiosity still got the best of him.

"Why? Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because Fred would kill me if I wouldn't. Also, Angel would regret someone not doing it for him in the long run. Plus I still like you English, just you don't go hurting my girl anymore, got that?"

"Fred would…? She's… You're together!"

"Give the man a medal!"

"I'm so sorry for what I put her through, Charles. I really am…"

"I know. We know."

"But Angel will never understand."

It was a statement, not a question. But Gunn wasn't having any of that self-comiseration.

"Angel's just flipping. It's a thing with leathery hunks. They also flap a lot I'm told."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No. Just of your poor choice of lover."

"I'll have you know that he's the…"

"…one that got away? I'm getting that. Now let's get you on your feet again. We'll deal with the big fat hero later."

Wesley gave in to Gunn's help. In the ambulance and already under heavy medication he just turned to him: "What? You think he's fat, too?"

RHAPSODY

Cordy and Fred couldn't hold it anymore. They had the Spirit of Greek Chorus possessing them and hence they went.

Fred: "How could you dare to speak for me? I knew very well Wesley only loved me in a brotherly way! Of course he was trying to make you   
jealous, what are you - undead and blind?

Cordy: "And totally ignoring us? Can I just say `dumbass' ? And I'm trying to be nice, new, LA Cordelia. What were you thinking of Angel?

Fred: "So you just left. Left him alone to ponder the error of his ways. Which were none, you big thick non-person! He was just being human!Remember that, do you?"

Cordy: This can't go whitout some serious apology. Right now. Right. Now. Angel?"

Cowered into logic Angel gave way. There were no injured parts here, it seemed. Fred was happy with Gunn. Cordy with her spiritual quest. All of them with a purpose. Even himself, truth be told. Loving Wesley. But how could he take it back, rewind & erase?

FINALE

"Someone here to see you."

"Look, Fred I'm so grateful that you came. But I just don't think I can handle any…"

"Hey."

"Angel."

"Thought I should drop by. Apologize, you know. Beg for it, actually."

Fred retired discreetly.

"I… Don't know what to say. What can I tell you?"

"I hoped that you had missed me. But that would imply forgiveness, right? So just tell me I haven't screwed it all up…"

"I still love you."

"God me, too."

Angel sat by the bed. His hands searched for Wesley's with such a hunger and despair as he had never felt – vampire or human. He kissed   
Wesley's emaciated fingers. He brushed back his hair to press his lips against the ivory forehead. He let Wesley know that he'd never leave him again. He crouched into the bed with him. Wesley's   
eagerness to get hold of his cock didn't really surprise him.

This was, after all, a public place of sorts – and they could do nothing too explicit in here. But Wesley kept pumping him. Nibbling on his left lobe, occasionally probing Angel's mouth with his warm tongue.

Finally Wesley seemed content to just hold him.  
And Angel seemed happy to understand that sexual arousement hadn't brought him to the brink of an abyss. An all too familiar abyss.  
Not because Wes was `safe'. But because they fitted together, in this world and beyond,

 

Finis


End file.
